Saturday, December 20, 2008

Two Celebrations Down ....

Our anniversary (which was a bust) and DH's birthday (which was also something of a bust) are (mercifully) over.  DH was sick. We skipped the anniversary party altogether on Wednesday.  He slept; I pouted. We had a combined anniversary and birthday party on Thursday, which neither of us really enjoyed, but I had purchased all the food and I had to cook it sometime.  

He couldn't help being sick.  I couldn't help being disappointed.  We didn't stick it out for 25 years by holding grudges when we get pissed off.  One of the things you learn in a long-term marriage is how to suck it up and move on.  Maybe the fact that I spent an hour on our anniversary, walking the beach in the rain, crying out of sheer frustration, and then turned around and made the party for him the next day says more about why we've been married so long than anything. I'm not sure if it says I'm a patsy who lets myself be taken advantage of (DD's opinion) or I'm a mature person who understands about owning one's own issues and not taking them out on others (what I hope is the case).  The truth is probably some combination of both.  

I'm still mad that he was such an ass about our anniversary party when he should have understood it was a big deal to me. I'm mad because: (a) women can be sick and still attend parties with good grace. (What the hell: women can be sick and PUT ON PARTIES with good grace. I've done it on more than one occasion.) and (b) he probably did not really comprehend that it was such a big deal to me, because I did not write it out in red crayon on a big piece of paper: THIS IS A BIG DEAL TO ME AND I WOULD REALLY, REALLY, REALLY APPRECIATE IT IF YOU WOULD COOPERATE.  He might have understood that. Maybe. Possibly.  Probably not. Because I'm pretty low key most of the time and the fact that I've been talking about our anniversary for about two years would never have tipped him off to the fact that I thought it was important.

Oh, well.  I won't hold a grudge.  Really.  I made the party on Thursday, and then tonight I fed him the last of the leftovers he was too sick to eat on Thursday. I offered to roast a chicken and put the (spicy) ribs aside for another time. He chose the ribs. I'm guessing if he's up all night again tonight, it'll be my fault. Sigh.
I took advantage of my days off to just about finish my Christmas shopping. At least I got my Mom's gifts in the mail.  I know she wouldn't care if I didn't get them in the mail promptly, but that's another big deal to me.   This year I made her some picture collages I think she will enjoy, and I bought her a book I know she will love.  I love giving presents to my mother because she loves anything I give her, even the stuff she never uses.  Anyway, it's a pleasure getting and making gifts for her because she's so appreciative.  She's the only person in my world who seems to love my gifts, no matter what they are.

DH does not want anything or like anything.  This year, for the first time in living memory, he specifically asked for something: he said he wanted slippers .  I gave them to him for his birthday instead of waiting until Christmas because he was sick and I thought he would like to snuggle up in them.  He opened the box, put the shoes on for a few minutes and then left them in the middle of the floor.  I put them on the couch when I ran the vacuum.  Little Dog decided they were the coolest pillow ever. They are still on the couch, and Little Dog seems to think they belong to her. DH said he liked them; I see no evidence of that.  That was how he handled a present he actually asked for! I wonder what he'll do with the other odds and ends I picked up for him.

DD will love everything I got for her, but it won't be enough. An argument will ensue.  She will say I'm cheap. I will say she's ungrateful. We will both be 100% correct.

One of these years I'm going to implemente a new Christmas gift rule: if you are over 16 or under 80, you don't get a present from me.  I will make a donation to the Red Cross in your name.  I know. I know. I say that every year. One of these days I'm going to actually do it.

Actually, I did make a Christmas donation to the Red Cross this year.  It just wasn't as big as I would have preferred because I still had to buy presents for a few people who are over 16 and under 80 because I'm too big a wuss to put my foot down and risk hurting someone's feelings. 

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